Rememberance

I blame myself for every word I speak.
Every choice I make, every idea I formulate.
My decisions constantly fail me,
Nothing works the way I plan.
I black out into oblivion and my brain explodes with insanity.
When consciousness returns, I am in awe.
Awe of my own stupidity,
My own arrogance and ignorance.
Are these ghastly obscenities truly from me?
Is my life actually capable of sabotaging itself?
I deal with my own ramifications,
Face the judge and jury of my own self,
My morals, my ethics, my persona.
They string me up, have me tried and found guilty,
The punishment is remembrance.
Day in and day out; memories that haunt my every move.
Of the words I've spit, the actions I've lead and the pain I've caused.
They're pain becomes my own.
My pain, a searing white-hot flame, slashing across my soul,
Slicing it into millions of shards.
The stitches sewing it back together
Are wrapped with those memories-and they soon become me.
They become the tendons that hold the bones together loosly
so ill-fitting that they rattle.
A summers breeze threatens to knock them apart.
I've done this to myself, I know.